Happy Birthday Bites

She is staging a blogside celebration.

Today is His birthday.  {As it happens, it’s also His nephew’s; the boy was born at 12.28 — Now there’s a beautiful birthday present.} [Yes, he is.]

In His honor, here’s a list of food gifts for the would-be well-fed man:

Grass-fed, grass-finished, organically and humanely raised beef.  Here’s a name any American readers will find easy to remember: Bettsy Ross Grassfed Beef.  Make Him (or one like Him) very happy.  Add marrow bones to the order. [Ooooh ... marrow bones ...]

Bring on the Fog, bring on the Haze, bring on a broad selection from Cypress Groves.  You could make a dart board of the choices and select at random.  No cheese-lover would complain [and the darts would be very happy] {until they keeled over from cholesterol blockage.]

Pillage Zabar’s — or send Him a gift certificate.  Whether He’s craving thick-cut bacon or a knife to slice it with, Zabar’s has the means to settle His desires.

Local honey is good for you.  Sweeten His life with an order from Anthony’s Beehive, and he’ll be as happy as a bear in bee-free sticky splendor. [The story behind the company is warm and sweet, too.]  Buying for another guy?  Eat Local Honey will help you find a nearby hive.

Chocolate is always an acceptable answer. Z Chocolate is wonderful, but not for the easily distracted; the selection sprawls like virgin prairies.  Jacques Torres is a high-quality, less frenetic option — and how can you go wrong sending things made by Mr. Chocolate to a theobromaphilic man?

The bloke likes smoke, but it isn’t always appropriate to start a fire.  Give him smoke in a bottle — no, not that flavoring stuff, but Laphroaig.  {I recommend giving him the 21 year cask strength, the 15 year or the quarter flask.  Either should see him doing an imitation of a Lab puppy whose ears are being rubbed.} [Sort of hard to maintain one's dignity that way, but I'm not complaining.]

Because life can be a storybook, get Him brownies from either Fairy Tale or Fat Witch.  {These waters have been charted.  There are no dragons.  There is chocolate . . . and caramel . . . and fruit . . . and other makings of a satisfying square.}

When you say “sable”, He won’t think “fur”, but “fish“, and it will be a happy thought.  Make it a reality.  Hand him a loaf of dense whole-grain bread, a knife and this, and you’ll see contentment. [Insert happy bear noises here.]  He’ll give up salmon for the moment in order to save it for the future.

You can buy organic, fair-trade, cloud-cover coffee from a number of sources, including Grounds for Change.  For tea, turn, turn, turn a Mighty Leaf.

Grant you, the theme of the day is the Perfect Bite birthday man and His treasured pleasures.  That’s apt; even if He has to share it, this is His space.  Be reassured.  No man in his properly wrong mind would decline any or all of the above, and every man (or woman) of healthy appetites would enjoy them. [Amen.]

Her, wishing Him — and both of them, wishing everybody — the best of bites on birthdays and beyond.